What is God?

What is this that moves universes, thoughts and body?

Find the true divine living source of life.

God is a word, a word used like a bullet in the loaded gun of ignorant humans to inflict violent bigotry and mental hostage taking on the masses.

God, this word. This label.

How I used to loath the word. For how it was abused and used to serve the blind hearts of man. Shall we fight over the word? And commit the greatest of sins, to miss the mark of the truth and be blinded by ignorant dogma.

Oh true God, thank you for not caring about good and evil, but for holding both tenderly in the heart of your cosmic knowledge.

Thank you for not being a word or a religion.

Thank you for being that which can only truly be known in the clarity and enlightenment of your angel servantthe soul.

Life. God. Love. The same. The outbreath of silence becomes song. The form of the formless becomes the universe. The same and yet one appears to move and the true never moved, nor ever will.

God. I find you in the fragile snowflake and the mighty savannas, in the call of the elephant and the death of a star.

You are knowledge. Sacred, miraculous knowledge of all.

The knowledge of eyelashes, heartbeats, breath, clouds, blades of grass, ants, guns, bullets, blindness, light, planets, fingers, atoms, energy.

A rose by any name smells as sweet, as long as you know its scent.

I know your scent god. Thank you for not being a man sitting on a cloud, with the type of  personality that I would never invite into my life, or even for dinner. 

Thank you for revealing yourself, for being that which beats this heart so that I may eat at the banquet of your knowledge buffet called life.

I am in awe at the master code maker, you that weaves knowledge into a universe. You, cosmic mother who birthed my beloved soul. So that as I gazed at the universe, I would not get lost in the movie of becoming, you would send me my soul, and other great teacher souls to hold a clear radiant mirror for me, that my mind would assimilate the true knowledge of the self.

I now understand the religious ecstasy of saints and servants who know you as you truly are.


What is the ego?
What is this idea of the self that hides the true self?

Be free of the self-image, find the real.

Ego, self-image, the mind program (ideas) of a separate self. You are a tricky one. I don’t speak to you, because I have come to see through your mirage.

Beware the mind and its ego creation, ever in search of claiming itself to be the power and controller of life. Ever seeking a way to dominate and assert its false authorship. making itself a false god.

Through the lens of the separate self, the universe is perceived as a moving mass of separate objects that dance in patterned chaos.

Through the lens of the separate self, it seems as if the body is moving, mind is moving, thoughts are moving, life is moving… and since the movement causes experiences of pain or pleasure to the body mind, we look for the puppet master to try to negotiate or win the power to direct the movements.

The body is designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain as a survival program.

Mind is designed to serve either the body or the soul, whichever we have attention on.

The ego, mind program, is falsely thought to be the puppet master, the controller and mover of life. This false separate self, as a collection of ideas, when believed, seeks to control, direct, and even claims to create life according to its desires.

All of which are not true. Ego is the false idol of god.

The separate self, ego program might admit (using logic), that it has no power over the movement of stars and tidal waves (this ego assigns to a greater power or random forces). But where ego does claim it’s power, is over the body and mind.

Ego sings of its dominion and domination.

It also tries to control other body minds, and its environment. Ever greedy, ever seeking, it is a mind ‘pacman’, hungry to consume, own and control objects.

To win the game it asserts is own purpose for life – always a seeking game. To drive the game, it sustains and reinforces that lie, that you are not whole, and that you need objects (people, things, words, experiences) to become whole.

Awareness, the true self is not a puppet master.

There is no puppet master. Life automatically moves, by its design, for the purpose of existing.

Life is in love with itself. It cares for itself, and is equal to both pain and pleasure.

It is equal to apparent creation and destruction, apparent birth and death.

When you drop the lens of the ego separate self, and know what is seeing, know what is knowing, you discover the trick. There is no separate self.

There are only objects appearing in awareness. And awareness is not the puppet master of objects because objects are not separate either. There is ‘no-thing’ to control or to puppeteer.

Thank you to the knowledge that revealed that all of life is moving automatically, by design, by grace, to exist, in love with itself. That life is god, and life is love. These are verbs in awareness. 



What is doing life?
Who is the doer?

Be free of the false doer identity.

Doer, another tricky one.

What a burden – to have once believed that I was the doer of life. That people existed and that they were also doers. The pain and weight of it were never far behind any thrill of falsely believing in “control”.

To be a doer, is to fight with life, to push and to assert a personal will, to strive and to always fail. 

Death will win. Life in its violent dance will rip the carpet from beneath the ego’s clinging to power.

Pacman’s greed will eat and eat and eat, level up, level up, level up – to what end?

And don’t be fooled, (like I was once) into that pacman only craves material things to eat. Pacman is any seeking, any compulsive longing, driven by a feeling of incompletion and inner lack.

Awareness doesn’t care either way if the body lives like a king or a pauper, all is experienced equally. Loves all.

Only the mind, the creator of the inner pacman ego, separate self, seeks endlessly. Even seeking spirit, enlightenment, experiences, love. These are spiritual pacman, and they often feel superior to material pacman, but they are all pacman.

Oh pacman, how you taunted me. I played your game. Seeking lovers to adore me, to fill the vacancy and have the job of making me feel beautiful. Seeking solitude to hide from the noise of used to feel like a hostile world. Seeking truth through endless studies and by endlessly sampling the wares of the spiritual market place.

No pacman is better than any another. They all arise from the false belief that we are doers and as doers, that we can find what seems to be missing. Lost and found, hide and seek.

All the while sly fox, you my beloved true self was never lost, never hidden, I only needed to look from where I was looking from.

To find myself as the knower, seer and awareness of all objects. The taste of that was enough to end the reign of ego pacman. Its death blow was to realise that life is the doer, and it does all apparent doing automatically by design, by grace.

God as life is the doer. Life moves automatically by design. Look how the apple tree grows, how birds fly, how eyelashes fall, how thoughts rise, how souls are born. This is the doer. This is god-life-love dancing. 

Thank you to life for making me exhausted.

How many lifetimes of having and losing, of being this and that – rich, poor, healthy, ill, attractive, ugly, famous, nobody, and death always to level the game.

Thank you for making the merry-go-round of life lose its luster. So that my mind would stop seeking and surrender finally to the self.

Beware of giving the mind the truth of their being “no doer”. Bring in true love and the deep seeing of truth, or else ego can hijack this as a concept, and rob you of the joy of life’s spontaneous, intuitive dance.

Life is the nondual self, dancing as emptiness, singing as silence, moving as that which never moves, spaceless space, timeless time.

God, life, the knowledge of the cosmos is the doer, it moves as love, destroying and birthing forms as the formless non-dual face of reality.


What is the experiencer?
What is the experience?

Know the experience as the knower, as awareness.

How far are you from the experience of this moment? Only a trick of the mind, and the ignorance of your true self, keep you believing than the experience is somewhere else.

The feel of your body breathing, the sounds of the world, the colours of life’s dance – all appear in you as awareness. The experience is not separate from you.

The experience is you. Intimately. And when we look, feel, taste, heard, touch without the lens of the mind in the way, without a separate self to interfere with our perception of the knowledge of objects tasted, felt, touched, heard – we realize that we are the experience, experiencer and the objects.

That ultimately all knowledge (which objects are made of) arises within the knower of the knowledge. Together, as the nondual reality, as the nondual self.

The experience of now, can only exist now. It is life touching life. Life in love with life.

Thank you god for letting me see through your eyes, so that I could experience that all apparently physical objects are made of you. And thank you for showing me that “colleen” was just a concept in the ancient apparent mind.

A mind that appears to veil and wall the creation from the creator, but can never divide the undivided. 

What must we be that we are capable of truly knowing god? What must we be that we are able to know the knowledge of the creation?

We must be ordinary, actionless, non-dual awareness. Experience, knower, seer and seen. This is not a belief. It is known and experienced whether the body and mind are in a temple or watching TV. 



What is the artist of life?
What is art?

Be life as an artist.

Thank you death for being my first teacher. You showed me home, and that the body was not my true home.

Thank you artist eyes, for teaching me to see that all objects are beauty, when mind does not filter our perception.

Thank you artist, for teaching this mind body patient looking, still seeing, and meditative artistry.

Mind how you used to trick me, into thinking there was such a thing as good or bad art.

Into believing that I was the artist, and that art was something that Colleen did. How you tortured me when I believed in a ‘me’, and when I wrestled with being or not being worthy to call myself an artist.

How when my art was measured, how I felt measured. Weighed for merit and worth.

What an excellent teacher you were. Thank you life, grace, for the path of the artist. And for showing me that there are no nouns, no pronouns, only verbs.

Life is the artist.

Forgive me for using words of ignorance to be of service to life as life. For saying untruths like “I am an artist, mother, business owner, person” when I know the truth, that “artist”, “mother”, “businesswoman”, and even “person” are verbs. Life is living as life, there are no separate selves.

Thank you life, for taking care of artist, mother, businesswoman and person.

The art that life creates through this body mind, holds the energy and transmission of truth with great love. So that all who come to experience and see the art are given the opportunity to see themselves – as non-dual awareness. This is grace, this is what life as colleen-joy is in service to.

Visit my online art gallery.

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